Sleeping woes
For a while i contemplated if i should write this here or over at Avery's blog. In the end decided here since she will probably never know the hell she puts me through with her sleeping.
Perhaps i am already considered quite lucky because Avery is pretty regular in her bedtime (9pm, give and take 1/2 hr) and waking-up time (9am, give and take 1/2 hr). She also has an established nap routine (twice a day, once after morning breakfast/shower, once in late afternoon after her snack). She has also started to go to bed when still awake (but drousy) instead of nursing to sleep. My main problem is that nowadays, during the night time, she would get up 3-4 times in the middle of the night, starting from 3am. She is not hungry (i tried feeding her but she nod off after a couple of minutes), not in pain, not hot, not cold.. not in anyway that i could described as 'distressed'. She just wanted to be carried. Patting her in her cot, saying 'shh-shh' (her sleeping cues which i used right from when she is an infant) did not help. She will only stop the moment i carried her in my arms. And if she is not in a deep sleep, i could not put her down because she would start wailing again.
I was at the end of my rope literally. The last couple of weeks once she start this, i could hardly get any good sleep. I would just about drop off into zzz land and there she would start. It was so bad that i started getting headaches and groggy in the day, and needed a nap myself (when she is napping). But i am not good with naps, i wake up even more groggy and my daytime hours are wasted when i could be catching up on my housework or other stuff. Her need to be cuddled in the middle of the night (a couple of times!) is seriously turning my life upside down. I've tried the No-cry sleep solution method but still the same. She was on a pacifier which did helped (she would cry but stop once the paci is in her mouth) but i think this is compounded the issue because she has outgrown her old paci and wouldnt take to the new one (its a different shape). Since i thought it may be a good idea then to just wean her off the paci, i did not try to get more pacifiers for her to 'try out'.
In the end, i let her cry it out last night. My energy was sapped and i was just plain unwilling to carry on the vicious cycle of waking up a few times a night just to carry her. Wilkie just mentioned the other day "May your words be like honey, because someday you may have to eat them". Well... i am eating them. I've said that i couldn't, wouldn't let Avery CIO because it is just plain cruel. Of course, she was much younger than when i said it but really, CIO method doesn't make me feel good AT ALL. I was just too tired to do anything else last night and Avery cried for 1hr before she gradually dropped off to sleep. It was a tough 1 hr as me and wilkie remained wide awake listening to her, wanting desperately to go and soothe her. And a couple of times i nearly did... only to stop myself right at her door because i know the minute i do pick her up, the last 20-30mins was an effort wasted and she would cry even HARDER if we ever try this again. Its like a road of no return that we have embarked on because turning back will just make the matter worse and i will be back living my zombie life again.
It was a long long LONG time (okie, 1 hr but felt damn long) before she cried herself to sleep but after that, she did not wake up again till 9am in the morning. She was all bright and sunny when she woke up, as if the previous night had not happened at all. The only discernable difference is that she napped longer than she had before (almost 2 1/2 hrs when usually she will sleep for 1 1/2hr or so).
So tonight is another night... do i still want to carry on with this method? My brain tells me that i have no choice but to continue this at least for 2-3days to ascertain if its working, if at all (by observing the duration of crying - should be decreasing). After all, as in all behaviour management techniques, a behaviour will always increase first before decreasing when the technique is first applied. If i stop the CIO method now, i wouldn't know if it will really work for her. However, my heart is telling me that the next few days will really hurt and i better brace myself for it (wilkie too) if i am really seriously considering to do this.
It is now 11.01pm. Since her bedtime at 9pm, she had started to cry after an hour and half or so. The first time, i breastfed her because she may not have drank sufficiently during her 9pm feed. But when she cried again at 10.50pm... i continued typing this blog and guess what? She stopped on her own after 10mins. I guess my plan, at least for tonight, is that i will continue to feed her at midnight but try to ignore any other crying till at least 6am. It's cold turkey time. *grim*
In whatever case, i really REALLY hope that we can get through this by next saturday because that's when my MIL and grandMIL are visiting. And i doubt they will like to hear Avery crying or being left to cry alone. Crossing fingers... pls baby.. do it for Mami okie? :P
Perhaps i am already considered quite lucky because Avery is pretty regular in her bedtime (9pm, give and take 1/2 hr) and waking-up time (9am, give and take 1/2 hr). She also has an established nap routine (twice a day, once after morning breakfast/shower, once in late afternoon after her snack). She has also started to go to bed when still awake (but drousy) instead of nursing to sleep. My main problem is that nowadays, during the night time, she would get up 3-4 times in the middle of the night, starting from 3am. She is not hungry (i tried feeding her but she nod off after a couple of minutes), not in pain, not hot, not cold.. not in anyway that i could described as 'distressed'. She just wanted to be carried. Patting her in her cot, saying 'shh-shh' (her sleeping cues which i used right from when she is an infant) did not help. She will only stop the moment i carried her in my arms. And if she is not in a deep sleep, i could not put her down because she would start wailing again.
I was at the end of my rope literally. The last couple of weeks once she start this, i could hardly get any good sleep. I would just about drop off into zzz land and there she would start. It was so bad that i started getting headaches and groggy in the day, and needed a nap myself (when she is napping). But i am not good with naps, i wake up even more groggy and my daytime hours are wasted when i could be catching up on my housework or other stuff. Her need to be cuddled in the middle of the night (a couple of times!) is seriously turning my life upside down. I've tried the No-cry sleep solution method but still the same. She was on a pacifier which did helped (she would cry but stop once the paci is in her mouth) but i think this is compounded the issue because she has outgrown her old paci and wouldnt take to the new one (its a different shape). Since i thought it may be a good idea then to just wean her off the paci, i did not try to get more pacifiers for her to 'try out'.
In the end, i let her cry it out last night. My energy was sapped and i was just plain unwilling to carry on the vicious cycle of waking up a few times a night just to carry her. Wilkie just mentioned the other day "May your words be like honey, because someday you may have to eat them". Well... i am eating them. I've said that i couldn't, wouldn't let Avery CIO because it is just plain cruel. Of course, she was much younger than when i said it but really, CIO method doesn't make me feel good AT ALL. I was just too tired to do anything else last night and Avery cried for 1hr before she gradually dropped off to sleep. It was a tough 1 hr as me and wilkie remained wide awake listening to her, wanting desperately to go and soothe her. And a couple of times i nearly did... only to stop myself right at her door because i know the minute i do pick her up, the last 20-30mins was an effort wasted and she would cry even HARDER if we ever try this again. Its like a road of no return that we have embarked on because turning back will just make the matter worse and i will be back living my zombie life again.
It was a long long LONG time (okie, 1 hr but felt damn long) before she cried herself to sleep but after that, she did not wake up again till 9am in the morning. She was all bright and sunny when she woke up, as if the previous night had not happened at all. The only discernable difference is that she napped longer than she had before (almost 2 1/2 hrs when usually she will sleep for 1 1/2hr or so).
So tonight is another night... do i still want to carry on with this method? My brain tells me that i have no choice but to continue this at least for 2-3days to ascertain if its working, if at all (by observing the duration of crying - should be decreasing). After all, as in all behaviour management techniques, a behaviour will always increase first before decreasing when the technique is first applied. If i stop the CIO method now, i wouldn't know if it will really work for her. However, my heart is telling me that the next few days will really hurt and i better brace myself for it (wilkie too) if i am really seriously considering to do this.
It is now 11.01pm. Since her bedtime at 9pm, she had started to cry after an hour and half or so. The first time, i breastfed her because she may not have drank sufficiently during her 9pm feed. But when she cried again at 10.50pm... i continued typing this blog and guess what? She stopped on her own after 10mins. I guess my plan, at least for tonight, is that i will continue to feed her at midnight but try to ignore any other crying till at least 6am. It's cold turkey time. *grim*
In whatever case, i really REALLY hope that we can get through this by next saturday because that's when my MIL and grandMIL are visiting. And i doubt they will like to hear Avery crying or being left to cry alone. Crossing fingers... pls baby.. do it for Mami okie? :P
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